Dandelion

Why is is that children think dandelions are so beautiful? They love to pick them and give them as gifts to people they love. It's precious when you look at it from their perspective. But when you look at it from the adult perspective, you're giving someone smelly weeds that get yellow powder everywhere.

I used to pick dandelions for Mom and, although I was bringing her the gift of weeds, she always put them in water and made them the centerpiece for our dinner table. It gave me a satisfaction that I rarely feel anymore; a satisfaction so pure and innocent that I wasn't sure it was possible in adult life. Then, the other night at my waitress job, a precious child showed me that it was possible. It was the day before Mother's Day, so a lot of families were coming in. After one family left, I went to clear off the table. As I was grabbing the pop cans left, I reached for the last Sprite can. I was about to crush it, but then I realized there was a tiny bouquet of dandelions in it. It was so adorable and I wanted to leave them for the next table to enjoy, making them the centerpiece, just like Mom always did.

I don't want to get rid of dandelions now. I want to keep them all over, to remind me that even a weed, when given simply out of love, can achieve the purest sense of joy.

Beautiful Death

I put eyeliner on today to cover up the tired swollen eyes. Eyes that have cried for hours. Eyes that have cried for days. Eyes that have seen more young death than old. Eyes that have squinted in heartache. Eyes that have seen confusion. Eyes that have seen depression. Eyes that have seen pain. Eyes that have seen rage. My eyes have been reminded of past sights, and now are experiencing new sights alike. I woke up this morning and looked at the trees. My eyes saw leaves dying. Leaves falling. And I thought, death is everywhere. Fall in the past 2 years has brought death of a season, death of
Tasha Amy
Uncle Denver
Tor
and now Kyle

Death. Such a morbid and dark subject. Such a depressing time of year. Fall to winter brings death. Today I was sitting with this thought and a sense of peace came over my heart. A calmness so divine I knew it was from something bigger than myself. I walked outside in the glorious sunlight and took strides in awe of the peace I was feeling. I sat down, closed my eyes and began to listen. I listened to the wind, I listened to the dead leaves tumbling in the wind, I listened to my calmness and learned one of the most empowering things I've learned thus far. Through death we learn about life.Through death we learn the sacredness attached to life.Through death we learn what pain really is, and because of this we learn what joy really is too.Through death we learn to lean on each other.Through death we learn to live a life worth living. A quote on my Facebook profile says, "Is what you're living for worth Christ dying for?"but even if you're not religious I ask you, "Is what you're living for worth anyone dying for?" or even deeper yet, "Is what you're living for worth you dying for?"When you can say "Yes" to one or all of those questions before, you are truly living your life to the fullest. Until then, you're (excuse me..) half assing yourself and the rest of the world.I honestly pray with all of my heart that each of you gets a chance to figure out exactly what your life is meant to be. I pray you figure it out so that when your time comes we will all know you died in fullness of life. Until then, take comfort in faith, love, friends and family. Grieve when your heart longs to grieve and then move forward, cherishing every moment you still have.

One of the More Morbid

I've been experiencing a lot of discomfort lately. Discomfort caused by spoken words, discomfort caused by written words, and even some discomfort caused by unspoken words. It has been a recurring theme over the past week and I haven't known how to deal with it. It's impossible to go through life without being offended or hurt by another, just as it is impossible to go through life without offending or hurting someone yourself. But, how we tend to those offenses and pain shows our true character- are we willing to face them head on, do we push the feelings aside? Do we get offended that we offended someone else? Do we try to smooth over the rough spots, or do we leave them rocky?
Sometimes after weeks like this, I just feel beat up. It seems every sensitive button I have has been pushed over and over again. And it's exhausting. It's exhausting to the point that I don't even want to attempt to smooth the rough spots, it seems easier just to let the rocks pile up.

Along with my Debbie Downer attitude, I was walking back to my dorm late this evening. As I took large strides to get out of the chilly weather, I looked down at my feet to see yellow leaves scattered. Next I took in a deep breath of the harvest air. It was then I realized, "Ah, it's Autumn." My favorite season. The time of year in which every leaf that took all spring and summer to blossom, grows, gives off vibrant and pleasant aromas and then dies and falls to the ground.

Morbid. I know. Sorry...
But with each colorful leaf gently swaying to the ground, we are reminded that after a period of grey, bitter cold, new life will bud- fully enriched and nourished.

The Lone Ranger - Alone No More

I sat down to make a note about my ELL class from last night. I wanted to share what took place with the whole world. However, as I sat down to start writing, my phone rang. I've been awaiting news from a possible summer internship, so when I didn't recognize the number, my heart leapt a bit and I took a deep breath. I answered in a normal tone, greeted the woman on the other end and listened intently as my heart slowly and heavily went from one beat to the next. As I listened to the kind words of the woman, I said thank you and closed my phone. Tears welled, but I wouldn't let them spill. My lip quivered a bit, but no, I would not let myself cry because I didn't get what I wanted. Thoughts rushed through my head, "What did I do wrong?" "I knew I should have answered that one question differently." "Maybe they thought I was being too fake, or maybe they thought I was too honest."

In the background of my loud thoughts, quiet piano music started to play. My iTunes switched to the song "Empty Me" by Chris Sligh. As the music started to get a little louder, the words Chris was singing began to interrupt my thoughts. "I know how I can stray, and how fast my heart can change. Empty me of the selfishness inside, every vein ambition and the poison of my pride. And any foolish thing my heart holds to, Lord empty me so I can be filled with you."

This internship was a ministry opportunity and in applying for it, I was doing it for the right reasons. I felt called, what other right reason could I ask for? So I did it. I applied and anticipated getting the position because of the strong feeling of being called; however, I don't think it ever occurred to me that 89 other people also felt called. (This would be where my selfishness inside came into play). It's not that all 90 of us applicants felt called but weren't- we all felt called because we were.

Last night as I impatiently awaited to hear the "yes" or "no", I talked to Alex about how I was feeling. He was the first one to help me recognize this. "Allison, even if you don't get this position, it doesn't mean that you weren't called for one reason or another. You were, don't doubt that. God just might have different plans for your application, this process, and maybe even for your summer."

As I contemplate all of these thoughts and words, I am becoming more and more relieved. Not relieved that I didn't get the position, it would have been an honor!! Just....relieved that I'm not the only one God is calling to proclaim His words and do His work. This is something I'm taking great joy in knowing.

We are not alone - we are never alone.

Jesus wants us to take comfort in these words.

Lutherans Drifting from Luther

A modern day Luther, Shane Claiborne talks about his passions, beliefs and the truth of Christianity that we have forgotten this day in age (in his book The Irresistible Revolution). I’ve talked about this book in previous blogs, but I’m continually intrigued by it, so I keep sharing my experiences through it, with you.
Throughout his book, I have mostly agreed with Shane's words and thoughts. I've found so much hope and truth in what he says about our Christian people and how we’ve strayed from the life we were asked to live by Christ. However, toward the end of the book Shane starts talking about the church he attends.
Willow Creek was experiencing the very same thing my hometown church is experiencing; the need for expansion. The walls of their (and our) church were seemingly bursting with the capacity of people occupying it. So they, like us, decided to build a bigger building for worship. I was in favor of this building project at our church. I’ve been so excited about not having enough space and needing more. What a wonderful problem to have; too many people in fellowship and worship in too small of a space. Isn’t it a beautiful sight? But Shane said this about Willow Creek;

“ The pervasive myth is that as we grow larger, we can do more good. But there is little evidence that this is ever realized. My own research and experience would suggest that as congregations grow in terms of staff and property, their giving decreases dramatically, especially money given directly to the poor. As we build our buildings, human temples are being destroyed by hunger and homelessness. The early prophets would say that a church that spends millions of dollars on buildings while their children are starving is guilty of murder. Imagine the scene in a biological family; the father building a mansion while his children are going hungry. He’s be institutionalized or jailed.”

The last piece of Shane’s conversation that I want to share with you is this,
“One of the underlying assumptions is that money from the offering or tithe belongs to the church. But the Scriptures consistently teach that the offering is God’s instrument of redistribution and that it belongs to the poor. Giving to the poor should not make its way into the budget, it is the budget.”

This last statement is why, at the beginning of this blog, I called Shane a modern day Luther. Luther (and Lutherans) left the Catholic church because they found they were being cheated of their money. They were told their money was going to get them or people they loved out of purgatory, when really that’s not what Scripture says our money is capable of doing or supposed to be used for. I see this building situation in a similar light. Our money does not belong to the church. Historically Lutherans were Lutheran because they believed this, but now we’re almost going back to the way it used to be when we were a part of the Catholic church; No, we’re not lying to people directly about where their money is going, but we are cheating people out of the Christian way Christ called us to live. This is something we should at least acknowledge when we’re spending thousands or even millions of dollars on ANYTHING other than feeding starving bodies.
I was pretty upset by all of this mayhem Shane created in my heart and head after I read his thoughts about expanding the church. All of a sudden, my support of building a new church was starting to diminish and my excitement turned to sadness. He is right in his thoughts and I think Jesus would have said the same thing. If we look at the way Jesus preached and lived, we will not see him building a temple to contain his preaching or religion. He walked the streets preaching his message, in every action and word he humanly lived out his faith, and that is what is meant by the words, “living the Word through our actions” (or for us kiddies that sang in front of church one morning: “La la la la Live Out Loud.”) ☺

So, in conclusion, I want to say this: I feel the same disheartened feeling Shane is expressing in his book about where we put our money. I feel this not only with the church though. I wish we could live our faith in every part of our lives. I wish it didn’t have to be contained to those bursting walls. But, as I had this discussion with my soul mate the other morning, he brought up a very good point that helps relieve a little sadness; “Or, Allison, we live the way we have to live in today’s world” (he’s so right – we would get shot today if we tried to sing Christian songs in the street) and learn by going to that new building, ways to live our faith out in today’s context of daily life. We don’t live the way they did thousands of years ago, when Scripture was written.”So, for all of you Christians, pastors, parents and prophets: Live out loud in your life’s context, whether you drive a rusty Geo Prism ☺ or a BMW, whether you make $2000.00 a year waitressing or $500,000.00 a year doing whatever gets you that kind of money. *Side note: To my beloved Peace Lutheran family, this is in no way an attack or discredit on the way we have chosen to continue our ministry. I love our mission and our fellowship, and because of the context of our world and our lives, I support the building project fully.

How he did it.

I've had so many people ask how Alex proposed...so, I'm putting it here to assure you all get the FULL, detailed, and beautiful story. :)

It stared out, not so beautifully, but everything happens for a reason, right? My poor Geo broke down as I was leaving Alex's house at 1:30 AM on (technically Saturday morning) but "Friday night" in my mind. I called my lovely co-RA (Alejandra- she's a sweetie) and kinda freaked out (RA curfew at my school is 2 AM). Alejandra told me she understood and we decided that I should just stay at Alex's until I could figure out the car thing in the morning. Saturday morning I woke up and Alex asked me what I wanted for breakfast. He said that he would make me anything in the world that I wanted and that I should just relax. Because I was still a bit sleepy and because my name is Allison, I responded with, "Ummm...I would like...Honey Nut Chex...??"I know....LAME. So, to try and redeem my lame breakfast request, I threw this in, "...And fruit??....and..coffee??" Whatever. He went to the store, bought Honey Nut Chex and fruit and made a pot of coffee for us to share.

He then served this wonderful Saturday breakfast to me on a "tray" which was actually a book he made on his Mac (they should pay me for putting their name in our engagement story). The cover has a couple pictures of us and it is titled, "To My Beloved". I finished eating (because he said I had to eat my breakfast before I could get my present...grr..). :)Anyway, the inside cover quoted one of our favorite Taylor Swift songs "We were both young when I first saw you. I close my eyes and the flashback starts, I'm standing there...

"Then onto the first page: I started to read the first page (out loud) and it was my favorite Bible verse from 1 Corinthians 13:4-8(ish). I know this is a common favorite verse, but it only became my favorite after I met Alex. It makes me realize we have a perfect love every time I read or hear it.

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails."

Of course I started crying and had to stop reading it half way through, so Alex finished reading it to me. The rest of the book consists of the most wonderful and touching things anyone has ever said about me, and about love. It's just lovely. I'll happily show it to anyone, anytime.

Back to the story...the last page of the book says this, "You are the most loved girl in the entire world...and you would make me the happiest man in the entire world if you say yes when I ask you to marry me." I was still tearing up a bit when I turned to the back of the book and Taylor continued, "It's a love story, baby, just say yes."

I turned to him, eyes welled with tears and hands shaking and he pulled out a box from his pocket. He looked into my eyes and softly said, "Allison, I have had this ring for about two months, and I've been waiting for the perfect moment to give it to you."(I think he said some other very VERY sweet things in here...but I can't remember because this is what I was thinking: "Holy cow, holy cow, holy cow, this is happening, holy cow, what's he saying? Allison, listen!, holy cow, this is happening, oh Alex.....can I say yes yet?? holy cow, oh my..."The next part I remember went like this,

Alex calmly continued as he looked at me with his gentle eyes,"Seeing your face this morning reminded me that I don't want to go another morning without being next to you, so, Allison, will you marry me?"

"YES! OF COURSE!!!" I cried as we shared in the best hug in the entire world. "Yes, yes, yes." I repeated in whispers as tears started streaming. My smile has NEVER been so genuine or big before- trust me. :D Five minutes later, he opened the box and put the ring on. (We just didn't want to stop hugging and being excited.) :)

I haven't stopped smiling since.

Alex and I are so incredibly happy to spend the rest of our lives together. It makes us even happier to share in this joyous occasion with our family and friends. Thank you for celebrating with us! You are each a blessing to us, forever and we love you.

iPray

We've all heard about it- everyone's talking about it. The most up-to-date people already have it. It's been sold out of every store, and there is still huge demand because everyone wants one.The iPhone.I will admit- I too have joined the realm of iPhone seekers- curious about this seemingly essential piece of technology. I've heard it from friends, from tv, from the radio. I see it on websites--"The iPhone. Twice as fast. Half the price."That's right folks- for only $85 a month, your life will be made complete. "Even more features at your fingertips""3G wireless technology, GPS, widescreen iPod, breakthrough internet device""It redefines what a mobile phone can do--again."That's it- it REDEFINES. That's just what I've been searching for, something redefined, because it wasn't defined enough the first time. We needed something better. Something filled with more stuff. Something that could entertain us for hours without ever actually having to get up off the couch. Don't get me wrong people- these sleek little guys are pretty nifty, and I wouldn't mind having one myself, but I sometimes wonder how far we're going to let society take us.

We live in a world where sex = love, and parties = community. At what point in the history of humanity did we allow God's most precious values get so mistranslated? I don't think that God's idea of community was tipping back the bottle while grinding on the dance floor. The community God was talking about was a community of fellowship, support and love. A community where those giving to charity would actually stop and go to live among those who benefited from charity.

"Jesus was not simply a missionary to the poor. He WAS poor-born a baby refugee from the badlands of Nazareth, wandered the world a homeless rabbi, died the rotten death of insurrectionsts and bandits on the cross, executed by an oppressive empire, buried in a borrowed tomb. Jesus was crucified not for helping poor people but for joining them. That is the Jesus we follow." --The Irresistible Revolution.

The community we should be living in is reflected in Matthew 25 when we read "Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?" Jesus replies with, "Whatever you do for the least of these, you did for me". ---Well...What HAVE WE DONE for the least of these?

"We can volunteer in a social program or distribute excess food and clothing through organizations and never have to open up our homes, our beds, our dinner tables. When we get to heaven, we will be separated into those sheep and goats Jesus talks about in Matthew 25 based on how we cared for the least among us. I'm just not convinced that Jesus is going to say, "When I was hungry, you gave a check to the United Way and they fed me," or "When I was naked, you donated clothes to the Salvation Army and they clothed me." Jesus is not seeking distant acts of charity. He seeks concrete acts of love."--Shane Claiborne in The Irresistible Revolution.

Through those direct acts of love, we build a community- an essential Christian community. This sort of thing may not come "right to our fingertips" and it may not be "twice as fast and half the price"....in fact it may take twice as long and be the full price. That same full price that Jesus paid-----our entire life. This sort of community takes passion and devotion like you've never felt before. So, I pray for all the iPhone gurus (and the rest of the world) that we can channel that passion and excitement we have for our technology to a passion and excitement for God's people and community---a community that could use some redefining.